Have you ever felt like an outsider, even where you’re supposed to “fit in” most? If so, you’re certainly not alone. It’s actually very common that whenever we associate with a group of people, we notice the ways in which we differ as well as how we are alike. Yet for those of us who straddle two or more cultures, the experience can become intense and possibly overwhelming at times. 

In my therapy practice in Boulder, Colorado, it’s not uncommon to explore these issues with clients. We look at how a sense of belonging relates to feeling loved and appreciated. My own experience growing up bi-cultural has informed this work immensely. Conscious development of our self-concept can bring added strength and give meaning to our lives. Following is a bit about my own journey to “home.”   

When finding home is tricky

Where is my home? I’ve always questioned this. Not in the literal way—I’ve (almost) always had a place for my belongings and a roof over my head, but in the deeper way—where do I belong? 

It wasn’t until much later in life that I realized the reason beyond that question or feeling. Growing up bi-cultural, I didn’t fully realize how different I felt. How could I explain it? My primary language is Hebrew. I had many friends and a community that surrounded me. I was deeply immersed in the Israeli culture, living and breathing it. Yet there was some part of me that wasn’t fully expressed, that I didn’t even know. I didn’t yet understand the implications of being bi-cultural. I didn’t even recognize that I was bi-cultural. I just thought, “My mom’s American and there’s not much to it.” 

Belonging, and yet missing something

In hindsight, I remember overhearing a conversation in which someone said that children with immigrant parent(s) will always feel some sort of split, even if they were fully raised in Israel, and will have an issue with belonging. Hearing that, I remember feeling peculiar, realizing that I fell in that category, yet thinking that I didn’t identify that way—Israel was my home! that’s where I belonged. That’s my language, my culture, my family, and yet something resonated. I began to think maybe there was something to it. 

Years later, moving to the USA, I reflected on my experience and gained a deeper understanding of that sense. The questions, “Where do I belong?” and “Where is my home?” are deeply rooted within me, perhaps even written in my DNA. I carried these with me as I sought a degree of acculturation in my mother’s homeland.

Always searching for something more

Growing up with an immigrant parent creates a complex situation. On one hand, you have two homes. On the other hand, you don’t fully belong anywhere.  I fluently speak English and Hebrew, and understand enough about the cultures to get around and even “settle down” in each of these countries, but even so, I’ve often felt the longing to be elsewhere–wherever that is.

At this point, building a life and practice in the US, I sense the complexity of my situation and the heartache of the implications. I realized that by moving here, I externalized what I was already feeling, yet could not explain. Now it’s visible—I’m an Israeli living in the United States. It’s clear that I don’t fully belong. In Israel–this wasn’t as apparent. 

I know we all are in the search for home and belonging. Yet having an immigrant parent creates a unique and fundamental truth, a search that might never end. 

Finding my home and belonging, within 

Ultimately, I’ve come to know that no matter where I choose to live, I can find belonging within myself, and in my ability to cultivate friendships and relationships. It helps that I also now have peers who also know what it’s like to be part of two worlds. 

I allow myself to ride the waves of feeling abundance in the richness of belonging to both worlds, as well as moments of feeling isolated and disconnected from each of the cultures. At the end of the day, I have a valuable understanding of the complexity of being bi-cultural, as well as understanding the human need to feel belonging. Whether or not you are bi-cultural or an immigrant, seeking for home and belonging might be a long journey for you. I’ve learned to see beyond the mask of cultural norms and expectations, and address the core feeling that underlines the journey—finding home and belonging from within yourself. 

Are you at peace with “home”? 

Are you an immigrant, or do you have a bicultural or multicultural background? Are you biracial or bilingual? If so, I’d love to meet you. It’s my great honor to help others explore these matters of identity and belonging and to find the deeper meaning in a life that is not monocultural. It is my hope that everyone can find greater peace within themselves. 

My methods for doing the work of therapy are somatic in nature. Yes, we talk, but we also find ways to become more embodied as we move through life in various cultural situations. 

Reach out for support.

If you’re struggling with similar feelings, let’s talk about how you can find greater peace with your own situation. My practice is based in Boulder, Colorado. If you’re in Boulder County we can meet in person, but I welcome contact from anywhere outside of the Boulder area, too.  Send me an email at counseling@mayagolan.com or call 716-934-8835 for your consultation today.